a little vaykay
I returned this afternoon from a weekend spent camping with my family at a lake about an hour and a half from here. (Lake Shetek, Andrew--you're the only one who might know.) It was fun, although a little hot and quite humid. My grandpa and his wife (I say his wife because they got married last fall and no one can take the place of my grandma) came up last night for supper. We had corn on the cob cooked over the fire and BLTs. And now I'm back in Sioux Center, just about ready to go to bed so that I can get up in the morning to go to work at 7. It was a nice little break from the routine of normal life. I read a lot and hung out with my family. Went swimming, sat around the campfire. It was pretty much a lazy summer weekend. Nice.
Sometimes I think about how strange summer is. I mean, you get this four month chunk of time off, in which you're supposed to work as hard as you can so that you can afford to go to college, but you're also supposed to relax. It has everything and nothing to do with what you do during the rest of the year. It's a weird period of time, and I'm having a little bit of trouble deciding where my real life is, and how to prepare for what's coming next. Because I feel like I'm floating. My life here feels quite unreal. I feel like I stepped off the plane from Egypt the day before yesterday, and everyone still needs to hear how everything I see applies to Egypt and the Middle East. And it's not that they don't want or need to hear, but I feel inadequate. Sometimes I want to write everyone else who wasn't there with me off, and say, well they havne't been there, so they can't understand. But if they can't understand, why did God give me the opportunity to go there? I mean, I want to go back to Egypt or somewhere in the Middle East to live, but I don't know for sure if that will happen, and if it doesn't, then I should not just forget about what it's like there. And it's not even that I'm unhappy, I just have this very unsettling feeling of ambivalence. life here in the midwest is calm. Nothing very extraordinary happens--aside from crazy old women deciding they need to burn down their garages--and I feel like that contributes to my apathy. I don't know what I'm saying. Are other people confused about what they should be feeling, and what to do next, and how to prepare for what's going to happen next?
Sometimes I think about how strange summer is. I mean, you get this four month chunk of time off, in which you're supposed to work as hard as you can so that you can afford to go to college, but you're also supposed to relax. It has everything and nothing to do with what you do during the rest of the year. It's a weird period of time, and I'm having a little bit of trouble deciding where my real life is, and how to prepare for what's coming next. Because I feel like I'm floating. My life here feels quite unreal. I feel like I stepped off the plane from Egypt the day before yesterday, and everyone still needs to hear how everything I see applies to Egypt and the Middle East. And it's not that they don't want or need to hear, but I feel inadequate. Sometimes I want to write everyone else who wasn't there with me off, and say, well they havne't been there, so they can't understand. But if they can't understand, why did God give me the opportunity to go there? I mean, I want to go back to Egypt or somewhere in the Middle East to live, but I don't know for sure if that will happen, and if it doesn't, then I should not just forget about what it's like there. And it's not even that I'm unhappy, I just have this very unsettling feeling of ambivalence. life here in the midwest is calm. Nothing very extraordinary happens--aside from crazy old women deciding they need to burn down their garages--and I feel like that contributes to my apathy. I don't know what I'm saying. Are other people confused about what they should be feeling, and what to do next, and how to prepare for what's going to happen next?
posted by Margaret at ٦:٢٣ ص
4 Comments:
i have many of the same thoughts but have no satisfactory answers thus far
Definitely confused. Definitely fidning it easier to pretend like Egypt was a dream. I mean, I'm literally away from everyone I know except my parents for the summer so what's the point? Feeling like I desperately want to be with the people who were there and at the same time like I should move on and focus ont he people I am with. And as for what comes next, it's a little scary since it won't be school this fall. I hear what you're saying Margaret. Perhaps the hardest thing about reentry is not being with the people you need to go through it with.
Future plans? ha! I pray that God will never grant me the knowledge of my future. whether that is comforting or not (most likely not) is not the question, but just know that even though I'm going back to school in the fall, and seemingly have a plan of school for the next year and a half, I'm in your boat as well.
Cheers here: may those who are questioning be comforted in numbers.
I've been thinking a lot about that lately, and sadly, no such answers to satify. Finding my place during the summer here is proving to be a challenge. Work is going fine, but seemingly lack lustre. If anyone of you finds out the meaning of life, let me know - in Arabic perferably!
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